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Update:
Support team got back to me. Basically said 'something had to have happened while you were saving or loading your files or your computer has some kind of nasty virus because this sh*t's sploded from the ground up and nothing short of a necromancer's bringing him back'.
So-uh, that blows.
Given that I have to use a laptop for everything I'm kinda hoping it's the former. -_-
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